Grieving is Personal

When I was grieving for my grandmother, I wrote a poem. When my grandfather passed, I wrote him a letter. When I grieved for my loss of childhood, I wrote a book. When I grieved for my dog of 17 years, I bought two new Shih Tzus. People’s grieving process is personal and different from each other. It is unfair to believe that because you grieve one way, then someone else should do the same. I often make references to how unique our fingerprints are which helps with an understanding of why people do things in their own unique way; including how they handle the loss of someone or something.

This week the world has been grieving for nine people who were tragically taken. One of which was a basketball icon and role model for many. People are trying to wrap their minds around this loss and have taken to social media to express their grief.  Whether or not you are a fan of basketball, Kobe was a household name. And with that, he became a part of the family. I heard people discounting the idea and stating that others are “making a big deal”, but I would encourage them to allow people to grieve in their own way.

The people we bring in our homes by way of the television or any other medium becomes a part of our family. They become role models to our children and sometimes we feel a closeness to them that resembles our own family.

So how would you grieve for a member of your family? Whatever that grieving process is may very well be the same process you use for your celebrity friends and that is acceptable. Compassion makes us feel things for strangers and I can tell you that the icons we see and hear every day are not strangers.

Remember Kobe shared his life with the world, we watched him grow and then we lost him tragically and unexpectedly. So, give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to without judgment.

I remember the deep sense of loss I felt when we lost Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, Dr. Maya Angelou, and so many more. I personally felt like I lost family members.

I often tell my clients that when they grieve, they can do it in their own way, and own timeframe. The only thing I encourage is don’t stay there forever and allow it to consume them.

Why do we grieve?

You can grieve for many different reasons such as the loss of a friendship, a job, a pet, a divorce, financial stability, and the one that typically has the biggest impact is a death.  Some of the emotions you may feel while grieving includes sadness, shock, disbelief, guilt, anger, and fear. It is normal for individuals to go through any or all these emotions. I encourage you to acknowledge the loss and the emotions you are feeling. Ignoring then will just make it worse. Seek help from a professional if your grieving hinders your daily routine. There are plenty of resources available to assist you through your grieving process. Remember your grieving is personal and is for you.

I feel a deep sense of compassion for the families of all nine people; they are left behind with a void that will be there forever. May they find peace and solace in what is a confusing time.