Set Your Boundaries

We tend to run around like busy bees trying to get a lot of things done for others while we are drowning in our own stuff. We also send out energy to the people around us that we are susceptible to many unwanted things. We take on toxic people to “fix” them while we are in desperate need of our own “fixing”.  

Google search defines boundary as “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line”.

Where is your dividing line? Have you set one in the different areas of your life? Many years ago, I learned how to set boundaries for my own life. I used the meter of how people and situations were affecting me. Was it a positive effect? Were those situations allowing me to shine my light? Did I feel drained or was I exuberant? Did I question my actions repeatedly long after the event? I wanted to be calmer and I knew that boundaries needed to be set. Some of these boundaries were set without words, just with a shift in my actions.

When you set boundaries for yourself, it comes with a price. What and who are you willing to leave behind?  I knew that setting boundaries meant I would have to walk away from people and places, and I was ok with that decision; because I knew that I was putting myself first and it was a part of the equation for a journey of self-love and self-care.

Sometimes we try to use other people’s misery to hide our own. This only allows our negative perception of ourselves to grow due to a lack of self-care. The challenge with that is we cannot hide from ourselves.

I have a friend who recently found herself in a dangerous situation and as we spoke about it, she knew that she had somehow attracted that situation to her because she had failed to set boundaries for herself and her home. Jan was at a local restaurant having a drink with her ex-boyfriend when a woman approached her, and the conversation led to the woman buying her a drink. Jan accepted the drink and that was the beginning of her nightmare.

They became friends and Jan invited this person into her home. The problem was that they had only known each other for one week. It was during this visit that Jan recognized the intentions of this person. When she said no, the person became angry and violent. Now my dear friend is dealing with the negative fall out of not using her discernment and lack of boundaries. She now has a stalker who has tried to hurt her.

Not all the outcomes from a lack of boundary setting will be as drastic as what Jan is dealing with, but each person’s “drastic” is defined by themselves.

So how do you set boundaries?

• Start by knowing what you are willing to tolerate in your life? Set personal boundaries based on your positive beliefs. If what you are experiencing goes against those beliefs, then you know it is not good for you.
• Set physical boundaries by knowing who you should allow in your space and why? Not everyone belongs in your personal space and you must create an energy force field that keeps those unwanted people away. If you are aware that the energy you are emitting will attract people and things to you, this will help you to start consciously shifting it in a positive direction.
• Learn how to say “no” especially when “yes” causes discomfort for you. We often don’t say “no” because we are afraid of how others will view us, however, if you live from your positive beliefs then you will only say “yes” when you are working from an overflow.
• Re-evaluate your relationships with people. Are you always giving of your time and things while feeling depleted with nothing from the other side of the relationship? Know that you deserve more. We don’t give to receive; however, we must learn not to give of ourselves to the point that we begin to feel drained. Test yourself by asking am I giving from my overflow? Do I have any extra? Am I ok?

Only you can teach people how to treat you. Although setting boundaries will not cure all of life’s challenges, I believe it is a darn good start.